There are so many things that have gotten me to sit in
front of this computer and talk about my stuff. Between moving house, going to
New York and living in a tiny apartment for almost two months, seeing wonderful
art, wanting to buy a house in the near future, having conversations about how
little I need to live healthfully and realizing why I had held on to an
unfinished book for almost 4 years, I could find no more excuses to hold on to things
as a way of thinking I had a life. Ooh
yes. Things made me feel I had a life.
I went to the extreme and Googled hoarding disorders because
that was the only starting point that I had. Disclaimer: I'm no expert so don’t
sue me later for these written words. This is what I found:
- Hoarders have a
persistent inability to part with possessions, regardless of value, and have an
excessive attachment to them even if they’re trash or worthless. (I'm not excessively
attached to things, am I?
- Things can be a
reminder of happier times, new pleasant experiences, or as a representation of
a loved one. (I may have kept only a few
things because of this reason, right?)
- Hoarding or
cluttering can also negatively affect one’s mental and emotional well-being as
well as their ability carry everyday tasks. (Doesn't fully fit the bill but I'll
get into more detail in later posts.)
Ok, there are other characteristics that tell me I'm
not a hoarder. I'm still able to use my living spaces, have a fairly high
standard of hygiene and my procrastination and distress have been mostly due to
uni and my job, not from stuff. Thankfully, I don’t need an intervention. However,
I'm still left thinking, where did this need to get rid of stuff when I'm
obviously still attached to it come from?
The little hoarder in all of us hangs onto things
because we think it give us status, we will get it repaired someday, it
reminded us of our first kiss/job/meaningful moment, it was too expensive or
too much of a bargain to throw away, it is part of who we are, it needs to be
used at least once, it makes a home, the ad told me I needed it in my life,
etc.
I’m holding onto all this physical baggage for
emotional, social and made-up-in-my-head reasons. I fastened myself to my
things because they made me feel safe, accepted and allowed me to reminisce. I
now feel dragged down, overwhelmed and financially disadvantaged (i.e. poor) thinking
about the stuff that I have displayed and those things that I have ‘organised’ in various
spaces around the house that I don’t really need. I don’t want to be defined by
the things that I own anymore.
I was gonna write a fairly detailed account of why I've
started to write this blog but when I started I realised I’d end up writing 25,000
words on the subject and it’d get really boring for an introductory post. I
need to hook you up first then bombard you with long posts. Instead, I'll
mention the three things that made me say enough. The rest will come in future
posts. Yeah, that might work.
1.
The emotional decluttering
We've all done decluttering at some point or another
in our lives, right? My early memories of it consist of having to choose which
toys to keep from the box they were kept in. It was an unpleasant experience partly
because they were things I enjoyed and, at age 4, I wasn't really aware of the concept of owning something for a long period of time. The other part involved how distressed my
mother seemed at the time. Surely there were other things happening
that made her feel like that so I can assume the decluttering was a result of. This
would happen every few years and it went from toys to clothing to household items,
but never books. Getting rid of unnecessary stuff was not a pleasant experience.
I don’t think I ever really did any decluttering when I moved out on my own,
thinking that I had little or I used all my stuff.
 |
Fondly remember puppets like these that we had to throw out
because 'we hadn't used them'. But they were so much fun...
Source |
Then came the time last year that I went to a bible
study about Christian appearance. There was talk about the need for a Christian
to be modest in the way they dress and present themselves. Instead of letting
the world judge you by the way you look, you should rely on your presence and
Jesus to make an impact on people’s lives. After about an hour of discussion,
tears and the realisation that I didn’t need jewellery or my beloved foundation
to make me feel good about myself, I went home and threw out a heap of stuff. Correctors,
powders and that half used bottle of foundation went into the bin. To a point
it felt liberating but I made a quick calculation of how much money went into
the bin and let’s say I wasn’t particularly impressed with myself. Decluttering
was not a happy experience yet.
In the following weeks, after I was only using mascara
and the occasional lip colour, I started getting compliments on how healthy my
skin looked. What?! I’ve been told all my life that without makeup I’d look
terrible yet there were people saying I looked fresh sans the one thing I
valued and invested quite a bit of money and time in. Could having less make me
live better? Could my ideas about what is worth my effort and energy change?
2.
The New York experience
 |
| Beautiful New York, some people say otherwise but this is my blog... |
Ooh, New York. Bustling, loud, bright New York. The
city that changed a lot of those ideas that I didn't even know needed changing.
I could go on and on about how amazing that trip was for me but then again, I'm
gonna keep it short and relevant.
I lived in this 2-bedroom, 46m2 apartment
in the Williamsburg/Bushwick area neighbourhood of Brooklyn for almost two
months. I had a bed, a desk and a place to put my clothes, the unit had a fully
functioning kitchen, a dining table and a bathroom complete with a bathtub and
a sink not over the toilet (apparently a luxury in some parts of NYC). The
permanent tenants were a girl from interstate and her cat. She made that place
look so incredibly homely with minimal stuff. She had enough cooking equipment
to prepare most things, a place to sit down in front of a computer and/or eat,
a hallway to store some books, iron, vacuum cleaner, etc. She had enough things
to have people over. Did the amounts of things she owned interfere with a
fulfilling way of life? Apparently not. Hers wasn't the only place I got to
visit in that vibrant city and most people, most of them of modest means,
seemed to have no issue with their little spaces and their adequate amount of
stuff. I’ve grown around houses where the more stuff and space you have the
better and more functional, but this girl and city were disproving the
expectations I had.
Then this happened. I was lucky to come across this photograph,
which was part of an exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum that sums up the feelings that
I didn't know I was starting to have.
 |
Marry Mattingly: Pull 2013
|
I can’t find the explanation from the author about
this particular piece but from what I remember and have gathered from the collection,
she wanted to show how we allow ourselves to be dragged down by everyday stuff.
We focus on saving it, adding more, guarding so nothing happens to it and obsess
about upgrading it without knowing where it comes from or how it is really
affecting us in a holistic way. Bing! I want more of this radical thinking.
I fell in love with the idea of letting go of things
and having less. But it also came to a time when the city offered endless shopping
and overweight baggage wasn't too expensive, I couldn't resist but get more and
more. The thought in my brain hadn't quite reached my limbs. *cough* sounds
like excuses *cough*.
3.
The untouched book
If having to pay $100’s to transport stuff that I didn't
really need didn't stop me from
getting more stuff, the realisation that I hadn't finished a book because I had
held on to my emotional past finally did it. In an ‘Oh no, I can’t be that person’
sort of way.
This book may have its own post because it had some
heavy realisations for me but for the third time, I’m gonna do a tidy, to-the-point
version.
After I came back from New York, I knew I didn’t feel
the need to buy anything anymore. I had enough clothes, make up, books,
resources to live for a few decades and knew that acquiring things had a very short happiness
span. I wanted to spend my money and effort in travel and adventures. I wanted
to experience the world not buy it. I had conversations with friends about it
as I just found a new life motto. My money and effort would be spent on things
that involved others and not just myself.
Then I moved house, I didn't think I had a lot of
stuff and because I moved a few boxes at the time, I didn’t actually see how
much I had accumulated in a few years of being in the same place. ‘I'm only
moving what I need and the things that I really want.’ I thought.
Well, was I wrong? The whole declutter thing came into
my mind constantly but when I glanced at my bookshelf and saw ‘The Address Book’,
a memoir of the homes of 70’s Australian performer Jane Clifton, I knew it was
time to get those limbs into action. I realised I had kept that book because it
represented a romantic relationship, which I didn't want to
end but inevitably did. I started reading this book a couple of weeks into the
relationship and never read the last 50 pages or so because I figured if I finished
reading the book, the very little I had left of the liaison would be gone too. Talk
about not letting go and, wait, what was the second point about hoarding that I
mention at the beginning of the post? The book became part of my bookshelf so
it stayed there, not being read or being loved by anyone. It stayed there as a
reminder of something past. I don’t want that book to remind me of that relationship
because I’m well and truly over it (not lying to myself or others in this one)
and because it is a good book in its own merits. It needs to be read by other
people. I want to pass it on and I also want to be free and make room for new
things. If this is one of the things I noticed, I want to see how much other
stuff I’m holding on and for what reasons.
I want to experience the world and all of the things
that it has to offer. Time for me to cut a rip on that bundle and let some stuff fall out. Life? Bring it on!
After pointing all the above out, I feel I need to say
the following:
This blog is about my views and experience about
trying to live a more fulfilling life through the use of less material things
and decluttering. This is not a judgement of how other people live their lives
and what they know fulfils them, whether it’d be a new TV to watch movies in or
a bunch of pretty glasses to drink out of. We are all different, deal with
situations in the best (or only) way we can, have distinctive priorities and
appreciate life in various ways. This blog is my quest to answer the why. Why
do I need to have that? Why did I find that comforting? Why and what do I give
value to in my life? I’m writing this from the perspective of a late 20’s,
single, employed woman. I can also recognise that my views will change when I move
countries, have a better paying job or *gasp* be prepared to settle in one
place later in life. There’s also the possibility that I might have to share
spaces with another person...
Writing this blog doesn't mean I'm gonna get rid of
all my possessions and gonna live in the bush and off the grid. Mostly because
I do not have the monetary resources or skills to do that and because I still
want to be surrounded by society and all the good things it can offer. I enjoy
art, and let’s face it, art can produce a lot of ‘stuff’ in itself, I need a
car to get to work and a phone to communicate with those around me, among many
other things. I might even go shopping for superfluous items but the main
question is why I am doing it. I believe self-awareness and action from such
are two steps to actually make one free and fulfilled.
In a lighter note, if someone takes 5 minutes to read
my posts and enjoys them/leaves them with food for thought, my purpose will be
served. Yeah, ok. The stuff that I post may not be news or ground breaking for some
people but consciousness and dialogue are always needed in this world, I believe.
Please feel free to validate my views. :)
Finally, why The Clutter Affair as a name? Well, the
obvious name of The Declutter Project was already taken in Blogger. I had to
think of another name. I'm starting to feel constraint must be the mother of
creativity. I chose the word affair because it would allow me to show the
relationship I have with each thing and not just get rid of it, which was my
original purpose for this blog. If this had just been a project, I’d probably
just be taking pretty pictures of my rubbish and then chucking it out without
much thought. A project would be like running away, an affair on the other
hand... In an affair there are intense emotions, things you have to talk
through, learn where you stand, experience it, wave it goodbye and be happy
that it happened but know you can’t live with it any longer.
Am I making too much out of throwing shit out? Maybe, but
at least I’ll have fun doing it.
Laura
